Christoph’s Marriage

But now I have to tell about brother Christoph and how he went courting. In contrast to Bernhard, Christoph was the real mystery-monger. He never told anything. When the boys would come home at a late hour and mother had already worried, whether anything had happened to them, then Bernhard would immediately say: “ I was with the Stengels” or something like that. But Christoph always had an excuse or he kept quiet.

When he was old enough to go courting, he did not like anyone in our circle of acquaintances. He always left, if there was something going on at our place. But good friends soon informed us, where his quiet ways went, also to the family Tiedemann. We did not really know them very well, since Karl Eeck and his wife did not socialize with us. We two sisters had been invited to coffee only once, probably because of the mediation of the mother-in-law, our Aunt Clementine, who was visiting. And there we saw for the first time the old Mrs. Tiedemann, who lived in an old folk’s home after the death of her husband, and her daughter Julia, who gave music lessons. When people talked about this sister in school there was always a special respect about her, but it also was said that she was rather sickly. Well, she was a rather commanding figure, not really very pretty, but slender and elegant and voluble. One could never ignore her.

Later on I saw her more often in concerts, to which I went relatively often since I received free tickets, because for several years the cellist Grosser and his wife lived in our old house. She did not care for music and often gave me her ticket. Miss Julia Tiedemann was also often there, and it was peculiar but she always had any empty chair next to her that she was saving for someone. That someone turned out to be brother Christoph. But it always was only: “Oh, Mr. Lietz, you need a seat. Here happens to be an empty chair since my girl friend did not seem to have come.” I, of course, perceived the maneuver, but it did not concern me. I never told anyone at home about it, because I was not a gossip. However mother found out through other sources and thought it was her duty to warn her son: “But Christoph, what are you thinking. This Mrs. Tiedemann is supposed to be sickly. Later on you will then have a sick wife.” But Christoph’s response was always the same: “What talk, I have intention to marry.”

Thus a few years passed. I was at that time no longer at home, but in my position in Lithauen. But sister Mila was at home. She was resting there after a few years working in her first position and she reported everything that happened at home. Thus one winter evening, everyone was sitting at home unsuspecting and innocent, when uncle Otto (Sankowsky) and wife, aunt Jette, came tumbling down from upstairs with a newspaper in their hand. The hugged father and mother and say “Congratulations, congratulations!!!!” “What, why, wherefore?” ask the parents. “Well, your son got engaged. It says here in the newspaper, Christoph Lietz and Julia Tiedemann introduce themselves as engaged couple.” Father and mother now read the same. Mother starts crying and father gets very pale as usual when he is very excited. The two messengers of a happy notice note, that the parents did not know anything and they quietly go back upstairs.

Well, everyone agreed to continue play acting that is not to react at all to the newspaper engagement and keep completely quiet. Christoph came home in the evening and was somewhat unsure and abashed. But the parents remained completely calm and did not reveal with any expression, that they knew something. Several days passed, and Christoph himself had to start: “Well, you must have read the newspaper, etc..” and the parents then said: “Through the newspaper! Did we deserve that, dear son?” and he had to endure a long lecture. “Well, maybe it was not right. But it is hard to know what one is supposed to do. We don’t have any routine since the girls (meaning us) did not show any intention of marrying.” Well, we girls knew that marriage was not possible for us; we were not pretty, did not get any money, and we did not know how to go out and fish for someone. Therefore we were considered old maids already at 20.

Christoph apologized and asked finally, whether he could introduce his bride. This was granted. His bride, Julia, as a cultured woman, knew how to make a good impression at the first meeting and thus they were forgiven their stupidity with the surprise engagement. Since their secret engagement had lasted already six years, they wanted to get married soon. The bridegroom was now 30 years old and situated that he could start a simple home. He also had save some money for furniture and the bride received from her mother several solid pieces of furniture. Thus the wedding was held in the year 1874. It was a small wedding, without much pomp. The ceremony was in the St. Petri church and was very pretty since the bride had many friends and acquaintances who came nicely dressed up. Also our contingent was looking very nice (as an eyewitness told me later). First came sister Mila with the little Sascha , then the parents and finally brother Bernhard with his wife. Of course, I could not join them since I could not stop my lessons in the middle of the semester and also was afraid of the costs for the travel and the clothes.

After the ceremony was a little supper at her sister and husband which several members of the family Tiedeman joined but probably not ours, since I did not hear anything about that. In any case, the bridegroom paid for it, since the Eecks were not that generous but very calculating. Afterwards the young pair went to their small, comfortable home, which was in the Grosse Neustrass, in the house of Brunstemann on the third floor. The window of the three-room apartment looked out on the church square and church and on Sundays you could here the singing and the beautiful organ playing which was very hallowing.

Here the first children were born. Max, who soon died, then came Sophie, Robert and Victor, always after about a year, and then Erna as the last one, when they lived already at the factory in the Saulenstrasse. Altogether it seemed a very happy marriage, if only the health of the Mrs. Julia had been better. But this way everything was subdued because of her several sicknesses. She also was a cultured person and wanted to enjoy things like theaters and concerts and visits here and there. But she would strain herself and would afterwards stay in bed for days or even weeks until she had somewhat recovered.

From the beginning, she became attached to us, since she often needed support in her own weakness and helplessness. But she always was so thankful for everything that everyone was touched how everything as appreciated by her. We often cared for the children for days or weeks when the Mama with her weak nerves could not take their loud voices and noise. We would saw different things for the kids like dresses and shirts and everything was a lot of joy. She always respected and honored her parents-in-law (so quite different from the first daughter-in-law) and even at her death she was holding mother’s hand is supposed to have whispered: “Mama, don’t go away, stay with me.”

Oh yes, besides some joy there was some anguish. For instance, the quick death of their little five-year-old daughter Sophie, called Tutta, went to her heart. The child woke one night vomiting a lot. It was better in the morning, and they took her into the other room to air out her room. This may have caused a draft. The maids noticed that she had a red rash, which disappeared later – probably scarlet fever. And although the day was pretty quiet, around evening is got very bad. Someone ran to Dr. Jansen, who was not there, and then found a different doctor, who diagnosed a serious disease, but did not know which one. Who gave some directions which were immediately followed, but it did not help. It noticeably got worse. Tutta was already unconscious, and about midnight the end came. She sighed a couple of times “I want to go home, I want to go home.” Since she must of thought she was with us, where she usually liked to be, but she always longed for her mother. The mourning for this child was heart rendering. It was said that it was loved too much. The mother cried day and night. Erna was born five months later and came under tears into the world in 1882.

Three more years passed always with worries about her health, when again a rather bad case of weakness came from which Julia could not recover. Like may sick people, she thought that change of air would help he get better, and when spring came, she followed an invitation of the family Grundmann to Stenden and traveled to the country to recuperate. She took her favorite son Vidding – Victor – with her and Robert and Erna stayed home with the maids. And as usual we were called to help. Since I was home at the time, it was assumed that I would help. I moved in with the children. From the country we got notice that it did not get any better, to the contrary it got worse. Now she longed for the sea air and thought that would strengthen her, and Christoph drove to Stenden, to get his sick wife. When she arrived, everyone could see how bad it was going with the poor Julia. She went to bed and hardly could get up. Several weeks of suffering went by always with the same agitation for change. Now she absolutely wanted to come home. But that could not be accommodated quickly, since craftsman had just started to install an oven and several other projects. Well then she would go the church nursing home. There she was hoping that the constant watch of doctors and care of nurses would help. Thus she was transported with difficulties back to the city and into the nursing home. There the doctors immediately said that they had little hope. The suffering went on for several weeks until the 25th of August, where late in the evening she closed her eyes for ever in the presence of both mothers and the devoted husband.

Julia had said several times during her sufferings; when I die, allow them to open my body so that they can see what it was that always burned and gnawed so badly at my back. Now that she had died in the nursing home, no one objected to the doctors doing an autopsy. What they found was still questionable. It was said, that all her organs were depleted, heart, lungs and so on; she also had damaged nerves. And with this information we had to be satisfied. The burning and gnawing sensation in the back came in any case from the drying up of the strand of nerves which goes from the small brain along the back, even a layman knows that.

For us remained the sad duty, to bury the body. Our beloved deceased one was no being layed out in the small church hall in the nursing home. From there she was transferred to the big church chapel. We telegraphed for Victor to come home, who still was in Stenden, Robert, who had been there had come home earlier because of school. Vidding, the poor boy, arrived shortly before the ceremony in the nursing home. He was trembling with agitation taken to the body of his mother immediately. Up until then, the children did not have to confront death, and did not have any conception of what it was. The casket was still open, and the deceased looked so peaceful as she lay there in her white dress surrounded by flowers and greens. Erna said: “Oh how cold Mami is.” After she had stroked her hands and cheek. After the blessings of Pastor Luttkens and the final songs of the choir of nurses, the casket was closed and the procession followed the hearse on food to the big chapel in the cemetery, where after a few days funeral was supposed to be.

Now I had to carry out one more sad duty. We both, the deceased and I, always had the most interest in music. We went together to the best concerts and enjoyed a lot of beautiful music. We even wanted to be escorted to the grave by music, and therefore we made a promise to each other, who ever survived the other would see to the mourning music. This had become customary during the time. It was said, that you could cry so well with the music. But it had been raining for days in great amounts and it was impossible, since no one would remain at the graveside to listen to music. But on the morning of the funeral, the 28th of August, the clouds move away. I ran here and there and asked that the enlarged brass quartet would play all the beautiful hymns and melodies that the deceased had favored. And thus it became a very exalted funeral service. Pastor Luttkens found a few impressive words and when we were walking to the grave, you could hear the music already from afar, and everyone was touched. It surely is in God’s counsel that we have to part from the most beloved. May tears were shed. The grave was closed with flowers of love surrounding it. Late at home Christoph asked, who thought of the beautiful music that touched us so deeply; and clasping my hands, he said, I’ll never forget that you did that for us.